The clubs are going in the closet. Don't let the conversation go with them.
Here in Ohio, high school season just wrapped up and the grass is starting to go dormant. Every year around this time, families ask me some version of the same question: "What should we be doing now?"
My answer is always the same. Sit down together and hold your Annual Lighthouse Meeting.
Why November
November is the calm month. The season is fresh in everyone's memory, so you can look back honestly. Nobody is upset about last weekend's round, because there was no round last weekend. And next year's schedule isn't set yet. Entry deadlines haven't started arriving, and nobody has paid for anything you'll regret in July.
Decisions made in a calm living room are better than decisions made in the car after a tough day. November gives you that living room.
What the meeting is
Once a year, the family sits down together, looks back at the season, and sets the direction for the year ahead. It's the yearly part of the Lighthouse Rhythm: a two minute review of yourself every week, a check in with your child every month, and this meeting every year.
For a teenager, plan on about an hour to ninety minutes. For a player ten to thirteen, thirty to forty five minutes. Under ten, fifteen minutes and then ice cream.
What to talk about
The honest review. Start with what went well, and be specific. "You stayed patient after the bad start at the July event" means something. "Good year" doesn't. Then look honestly at what was hard, for your player and for the family. What do we want to do differently?
Their dreams and goals, in their words. This is where most parents get it wrong. You ask the questions. Your child answers. "What would make next season feel successful to you?" "What do you want to get better at?" "What do you love about golf?" Then help them connect the dream to the daily work. If they want to break 80, what has to improve, and what does practice need to look like each week? You can help them find their goals. You can't give them their goals.
Tournament ideas and the plan. Let your player lead. Which events, how many, and why is each one on the list? Fewer, better tournaments. Leave real time to train and recover, protect the high school season, and check the plan against the budget. The Tournament Schedule and Budget Review will do the math for you.
Standards. How do we show up, every time? Start with my eight: be on time, work hard, be positive, have great body language, do your best academically, leave every place better than you found it, hat off indoors, and thank people. Adjust them for your family, write them down, and everyone signs. Parents too.
Accountability. Decide now, while everyone is calm, what happens if a standard is broken. A consequence agreed on in November feels fair. One invented in a parking lot in June feels like punishment, and it usually is.
Money and roles. Share what the family is investing in golf this year, at a level that fits your child's age, and say out loud that it will never be used as leverage. Then be clear about who owns what: the swing, the body, the plan, recruiting, and the parent's lane.
Life beyond golf. Decide what gets protected this year. School, friends, other sports, family, rest. Golf is something your child does, not who your child is.
This week
Pick a date in November and put it on the calendar. Give your player a week or two of notice and tell them the questions ahead of time so they can think. Pick somewhere they'll look forward to: a favorite restaurant, a coffee shop, the kitchen table with their favorite meal.
Bring last year's goals and standards if you have them. If you don't, this is the year you start.
Foundations members, everything you need is in Lesson 13: The Annual Lighthouse Meeting: the full nine item agenda, how to set goals the right way, how to build your family standards, and a Family Agreement you can print and sign. The Season Goals and Family Standards page in the Template Library goes with it.
One honest hour in November can set the tone for your family's whole year. And it will help your child enjoy the game more and play better.
Be a lighthouse, not a tugboat.
Coach Spar