High school season is starting, and college teams are setting their fall lineups. So this month I want to share two conversations I had recently, one with a college coach and one with a former player. Both are about the same thing: earning your place on a team.
A college coach called about my player. His reason should interest every golf parent.
Recently, a Division I college coach called me about one of my players.
He was interested in the player. But one of the reasons he gave stood out: the player was coming from a highly competitive high school team.
That mattered to him.
Parents spend considerable time thinking about tournament schedules, rankings, swing instruction and recruiting emails. Those things deserve attention. But this conversation highlighted something families can overlook:
The environment your child develops in can matter to a college coach.
A competitive high school program gives players opportunities to experience some of the demands they will encounter in college.
They have to earn their position. They have to prepare when nobody is promising them a spot. They have to accept coaching, manage disappointment and contribute to something larger than their own score.
They also learn a difficult balance: competing against teammates for a place in the lineup while wanting those same teammates to succeed.
And they learn that a round still matters when it is not going their way.
An individual tournament can become frustrating when a player feels out of contention. In team golf, that player's next few holes may still determine whether the team wins. Learning to keep competing in that situation is valuable.
This particular coach saw value in the competitive environment my player came from. That does not mean every college coach evaluates high school golf the same way. It also does not mean a player must attend a championship program to become an attractive recruit. Players on any team can demonstrate preparation, accountability, resilience and leadership.
For parents, the question is worth changing. Instead of asking only, "Will high school golf help my child get recruited?" ask:
"Is my child using high school golf to become someone a college coach would want on the team?"
That means showing up prepared. Responding well to feedback. Supporting teammates. Competing through difficult rounds. Taking responsibility when things go wrong.
A team's reputation may get a coach's attention. Your child's behavior gives that reputation meaning.
You're playing well. Why aren't you in the lineup?
A player I have worked with is now playing college golf.
He was doing well and performing well in qualifying, but the coach still was not putting him in the lineup. He was frustrated and reached out to me for advice.
I listened. Then I asked him one question: "What do you think a coach is asking themselves when they look at a player?"
The question I wanted him to consider was simple:
"Do I trust you?"
Do I trust you to produce a dependable score?
Do I trust you to make a good decision when I am on another part of the course?
Do I trust you to stay composed after a bad hole?
Do I trust you to be a good teammate, show up on time, take care of your schoolwork and push yourself in practice?
Scores matter enormously. But a coach also has to decide whom they can depend on when the team is competing.
A strong qualifying round gives a coach evidence. So does the way a player prepares, handles frustration, responds to feedback and follows through on commitments.
If you believe your scores warrant a place in the lineup, look honestly at the rest of the picture. Where might your coach still have questions?
That does not mean every lineup decision is fair, or that being left out proves the coach distrusts you. There may be selection criteria or circumstances you do not fully understand. That is why the next step should be a conversation, not guessing.
Ask your coach: "What specifically do you need to see from me to feel confident putting me in the lineup?"
Listen carefully. Ask for examples. Clarify how qualifying results factor into the decision. Then agree on what improvement would look like.
If the concern is emotional control, practice your response to mistakes. If it is course management, work on decisions. If it is preparation or reliability, make those behaviors consistent.
For parents, this is an opportunity to help your child prepare for that conversation and take ownership of it.
"Do I trust you?" will not explain every lineup decision. But it is a powerful question because it moves a player beyond frustration and toward something they can work on.
Give your coach repeated reasons to trust you: with your scores, your decisions and your daily habits.
Be a lighthouse, not a tugboat.
Coach Spar